Archives 2014

What feels like a frustrating block, can actually be God's way of protecting you from taking a difficult path.
Door locked? Find another one.

I spend every morning on Facebook, catching up with friends, reading articles, and laughing at cat videos (OK, not really, but did you see this cute one about cats saving tigers)? It’s in this sea of randomness that I find entertainment, information, and (more than occasionally) inspiration.

What feels like a frustrating block, can actually be God's way of protecting you from taking a difficult path.

The badge I found on Doreen Virtue’s page spoke to me loud and clear. There have been many times where I have come up against locked doors, brick walls, and obstacles of all types. Living in self-will, I proceeded to call the locksmith, buy the jack hammer, or suit up to climb. What I didn’t realize is that sometimes blocks and obstacles are there for a reason. We are being redirected to bigger and better things in life. Lost jobs resulted in happier situations. Unexpected moves resulted in life-changing experiences. Before I learned to “embrace the suck” as a dear friend of mine says, I would rail against it, fight, cry, self-medicate, and do whatever I could to rattle the locked door.

Now, when I face a locked door, I look to my left and right to see if I see other options. If I feel too far off the beam, I will course correct and choose a new direction.

Daily Exercise: What are you facing today that might be an indication that you need to change your path? Make a list and mind map out a solution. Bubbl is a free mind mapping program you can use.

I’d love to see your results! Comment below!

It takes mud for a seed to grow.
Grow toward the light.
It takes mud for a seed to grow.
It takes mud and darkness for a seed to grow.

This morning, I was doing my daily spiritual readings and I stumbled upon something I needed to be reminded of. Seeds need dirt and water (mud) to grow. Mud is messy. It’s not pretty, it gets all over you and, if you let it dry, it can be hard to chip off. But its absolutely necessary for growth. When the seed is in the dark, it’s still getting nurtured by heat, water, soil, minerals, and nutrients. It’s not a pretty place to be, but soon the seed uses those tools to sprout. Soon, the plant is reaching up toward the sunlight. It’s fruitful, with flowers or food. It is fulfilling it’s life’s purpose.

Do you ever feel like the seed under the mud? It’s difficult to see the benefits and pre-growth you are experiencing when you are shrouded in darkness. But it’s there, nourishing you, fortifying you, and helping you sprout to your next challenge.

I’m reminded of when I moved to Carson City. Most people plan a move based on job opportunities, schools, family, or other supportive factors. I moved here under none of those conditions. I was thrown here by the universe, thrust underground compared to my fast-paced lifestyle in Dallas or Los Angeles, to recover, learn, germinate, and sprout. Do I know what’s next? No. Am I grateful for the shift? Absolutely!

I encourage my clients to plan, but I also encourage them to leave space for opportunity to enter. Our finite minds cannot imagine what is possible when we allow room for the infinite to come in and use our right action to create magic in our lives. It’s amazing!

If you are stuck in the dark, I encourage you to try a few exercises in my free workbook. Or, just read something positive to shift you. Understand that the muddy mindset or situation is only a temporary state and you can learn from it to grow toward the light.

Do you see the person or the persona?

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Robin Williams’ suicide really touched me in a place deep down in my soul. I realize the depth to which I can, occasionally, put on a mask. I use my experience to help others through their business challenges. But, often, I’ll mask it up when it comes to my personal life. I posted last week about being single and I got a Facebook message from a colleague which read “You know. I can’t help myself from micromanaging… so may I suggest you keep your personal stuff off of your WWC FB page? The “Single. And learning…”  feels too personal to show your professionalism.” In other words, dear coach, wear your mask.

Robin Williams wore his mask well. It wasn’t until his re-entry into rehab to “maintain his sobriety” came to the forefront that anyone had an inkling there was something going on behind the scenes. Still, the statement of maintaining sobriety thinly veiled that Robin was seeking help outside himself in a safe place. The media made that unsafe.

Actors rely on their persona. Often, in the process, the inner person gets ignored. Dustin Diamond recently came to Reno to perform. His “person” has been eviscerated in the media for the actions of his “persona.” Finding out a bit about the real person, thanks to a friend of mine, I find out that he’s happily married and good natured about people seeing him through their own lenses.

But where is the line? I find that actors aren’t the only people being judged by the characters they portray. We, as wives, mothers, husbands, fathers, friends, leaders, and professionals, may do the same. We may not have characters, but we have assigned roles and expectations we strive to live up to. Think about how you approach the people in your life. Even in your private life, do you assign a persona to your doctor, your teacher, your lawyer, your spouse? Do you ever spend time with a person and get real for a moment? If you do, you may be surprised by what you find out.

Today’s Exercise: See the person inside the personas you meet. Find out one new, non-professional, thing about the people in your immediate circle. What did you discover? Were you able to help someone you didn’t know needed it?

 

What is realness?

bridget_jones

Whelp… I’m single.

38. And single.

It’s about this time where friends start gathering, breaking out the romantic comedies laced in personal liberation, people start saying “oooh, I have the perfect guy for you.” But I’m realizing something. I don’t want the perfect guy. Not yet. I am not ready for him. First, I need to find my perfect self.

Now, I understand perfection is entirely unattainable and I can disappoint myself in little ways on a regular basis. But I realize in my singledom that, if I can’t love being with myself, how the heck is someone else going to love being with me? I mean the real me… the messy me… not the “headshot” me, or the coach me, or the me that shows up to parties and smiles at everyone.

Realness with who you are and what you have to offer is the first step in both life and business. If you can’t be real, than you cheat yourself out of the real experiences that come with candid interactions and real relationships – whether that be clients or potential mates.

This is my challenge today and everyday. It’s an even bigger challenge in the coaching field because my clients look to me for answers. But, you know what, the only way we get answers is through learning. We learn through others, we learn through ourselves, and we learn through those brown paper bag wrapped lessons life gives us.

So, today, I’m going to be real. Really real. If I cry during a session, know that something you have said has touched my heart. No more walls. What you see is what you get.

Today’s Exercise: How can you bring your walls down, just a little, and operate in your relationships as your singular, unique, self? How can you be unabashedly unafraid to really be you?

The floor is yours.

Start paying yourself first.

profit-first

 

“Profit First,” the new book by one of my favorite mentors Mike Michalowicz, makes a stunning suggestion. The longer you have been an entrepreneur, the more stunned you will be. Also, the more it will change your life.

Sales – Expenses = Profit creates a Frankenstein monster that will kill your business, livelihood, social life, sex life, and maybe your dog. It’s that insidious of a monster. It’s caused by getting into a cycle of robbing Peter to pay Paul, racking up debt, borrowing from income tax to keep the business a float, taking on unsuitable clients or projects just to fill the money hole, and other fun and damaging habits.

Here’s the new formula.

Sales – Profit = Expenses which creates a wave effect of happiness. You work with the money you have. Eating from a smaller plate, you make business work on less and you tame the ego beast that wants to spend profits on things that cost the business money. You also are able to put aside money that will assure a tidy quarterly bonus for you.

Sound nice? It is. 

It’s so nice, in fact that we are making “Profit First” our book of choice for our Twitter book club. Just search #LiveBookClub and you’ll be plugged right into it. I spend all day reading the first five chapters and pulling nuggets out for you. I even snagged some page graphics.

When you join my community (the sign up is in the side bar) you will get the first five chapters of “Profit First” for free. I’m sure you will want to join me in the book club after you read it. It’s already changing the way I look at profitability, how I run What Works Coaching, and what my bank accounts could look like… scratch that… WILL look like.

JOIN ME!

Your life is a blank canvas. Paint it!

abstract skyline

This week, I finished painting a little project I started about a year ago. I drew the outline and then I just put it back in the case. I went about my life. What I realized, when I picked that canvas up again, is that I really feel peaceful when I paint. It’s not about doing it right. It’s about putting brush to canvas and seeing what materializes. Often, it’s not what I expected. As I paint, I get inspired to do different things, use different colors, and express myself in new ways. I have come to realize this is a great approach to apply to life as well.

Blank canvases are filled with possibility. When you can quiet your mind and listen to what inspires you, it’s amazing where life leads. You can dip your brush in a color, fill a pre-conceived drawing, but you never really know exactly how it’s going to come together until it has. Life often imitates art in this way. I love it when someone asks an artist, “what was your inspiration?” Some artists have a very clear direction. In art classes, the students learn according to a very specific plan. There may be room for color interpretation. However, if the class is centered around painting a horse, everyone is going to walk out the door with a horse.

Art also imitates life.

You can walk through life with yourself, your higher power (whatever that may be), trust and faith. Or, you can find a living mentor and follow a base set of instructions. You can use a mixture of the two. However, one thing is constant. You start with a blank canvas.

To achieve a blank canvas, clear your mind of pre-conceived notions of how things should be or will be. Choose a path and walk down it. Artistic blocks happen when your will and the will of the universe clash. Give in to full inspiration and you will be inspired.

Today’s Exercise: What inspires you today? What can you clear away to create a blank canvas to express that inspiration?

This week, I reinforced my rediscovered love of peace and painting by purchasing a meditation pillow and some new art supplies. I can’t wait to see what I create with them! What will you create? What hobbies will you indulge in? What projects will you complete? How will you paint on the blank canvas that is your life? Share by commenting below.

Facing the contractor’s dilemma

contractor

Have you heard the story about the contractor? He builds, makes additions to, and repairs homes and he’s amazing at it. In fact, he’s the best in his area. But, he has a problem, his own house has leaky faucets, a few wall cracks, and his patio needs refinishing. Still, he pushes forward, convinced other people’s homes were more important than his. Suddenly, his faucets hit a constant stream. His wall crack affects the ceiling and his patio starts to lose boards. Still, he pushes forward. His pipe breaks. His ceiling starts flaking. Part of his patio gives way when someone steps on it. He has to stop helping others to help himself.

As people who serve others, in whatever capacity, as employees, business owners, husbands, wives, mothers, we are susceptible to the contractor’s dilemma. Yesterday, I wrote about trying to give from an empty vessel. The contractor’s dilemma is similar. Only, in this dilemma, it is others who can serve you. There is no shame in asking for help. There’s a reason we weren’t born superheroes. We may perform small acts of heroism throughout the day, but we can’t do it all.

Daily Exercise: Where are the cracks in your walls? What can be patched? Who can help you patch it? Do you need more help around the office or home? Do you need to set clear boundaries? How can you head that dilemma off at the pass or stop ignoring yourself or your business?

Our contractor has a happy ending. By hiring a plumber, he was able to fix his faucets. That plumber, in turn, sent him more business by referral. By setting boundaries with his clients, he was able to free up a weekend to patch the cracks in his wall and ceiling. With the extra business from the plumber’s referrals, he got someone to come look at his foundation to make sure it was OK. He engaged his family, after he fixed the broken boards, to pick a new stain and paint the patio as a family activity.

What is your dilemma today? Comment below.

 

Why you should never stop dating… yourself.

I was married for 16 years. In that time, I did what I thought every good wife should do – give herself fully to her husband. I took the “one flesh” part of the Bible to heart and I did everything with my husband. If I was there, he was too. If he didn’t feel like going, I didn’t go. Little did I know that this behavior would result in me losing the one thing I needed the most to be a good wife – myself.

dating myself

There is a Chinese proverb that says, ““You cannot give from an empty vessel. To give to others, you must fill yourself.” This is what dating yourself is all about. When you continue to date yourself, whether you are married, in a relationship, or single, you allow yourself to stretch and grow as a person. You also allow yourself indulgences, like belting “I Will Survive” at the top of your lungs, that help you return to your other relationships (friendships, romantic relationships, even co-workers) refreshed and energized… ready to give.

Daily Exercise: How will you date yourself this week? Plan some time to go out, alone, and do something. Spend some time with just you, even if its in a group setting (like a painting class).

This weekend, I am going to Van Gogh and Vino to paint a flower for myself. The word Love is in the painting which, to me, symbolizes the love I must show myself in order to continue to give to others: as a coach, as a friend, as a daughter, and a sister. All of these relationships require me to fill my vessel first.

Other activities I have planned:

I challenge you to find some place new you have never explored before, even if its a park in your neighborhood. When you discover new things, you discover something new about yourself as well.

Sit down and spend some time with yourself. It’s a steady relationship. Nourish it!

Is staring at Facebook negative meditation?

Facebook depression I have a number of spiritual practices I do every morning to start my day off right. I write in my journal. I read a passage in a book of meditations for women. I will occasionally read some tarot cards. These practices make me feel good and, after I say “thank you” for the messages I received, I go about my day. However, today I was hit with an a-ha moment. I realized I have another morning and night practice. I check my Facebook page.

Watching myself for the past week, I realized a significant shift in how I felt after my spiritual practices if I picked up my phone and checked my Facebook page. I realized anything I uncovered through my other positive practices was significantly dulled if not replaced by other feelings. I was sucked into doubt, fear, anxiety, or elation, joy, and motivation—entirely based upon whatever people decided to share that day.

This led me to the question: Is staring at Facebook negative meditation?

If I am spending each morning and night, ritualistically looking at other people’s walls, scanning my news feed, and reviewing my past posts, am I essentially meditating? Am I opening a channel and receiving random messages?

In meditation, we quiet our minds and we open ourselves up to a message. We hope in this practice that the messages we receive will be beneficial to our lives.  I meditate in a number of ways, depending on how I feel. I read a passage and reflect. I listen to music, quiet my mind, and listen for the message. Or, I will just sit on the shores of Lake Tahoe and listen to the sounds of nature.

The issue with Facebook (or any social media site for that matter) is it is a dumping ground for all emotions, all points of view, all reactions, and all personalities. Opening my feed now, I see happy family photos, throwback pictures, updates on personal tragedy, and emotionally-charged political rants. That’s just the first few posts I see in my news feed. It’s funny they call it a news feed because I “feed” off of these emotionally and take action accordingly. I contact friends. I feel happy, sad, hurt, proud, or inspired by what I see. I apply things to my life.

The a-ha moment came when I realized that anything I uncovered through my other practices was significantly dulled if not replaced by other feelings. Today, I have decided to test the assumption that Facebook is negative meditation for me and is a subtraction, rather than an addition, to my routine.

For one week, starting today, I am not going to open Facebook in the morning or at night before I go to bed. I am going to let my spiritual practices stand alone and monitor the effects on my life and business.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

How the universe took control of my life.

By: Diane Dye Hansen

Sometimes, when what you want is being denied at every turn, doors are slammed in your face, “no” is the only word you hear, and you are being beat down in various ways every day, maybe it’s the universe whispering not so subtly that you need to go another way. Some people call the universe their God, Buddha, Allah, or Higher Power. Whatever you call it, there’s no denying there is something out there that took control of my life in 2011 and continues to guide me to this day.

Time Hop Homeless

It wasn’t until I was living in a motel room in Minden, Nevada with nothing but my dog Porsche and what my few possessions my car could hold that I began to wake up. How I got there, from being a marketing manager in Los Angeles making six figures, I had no clue. Maybe I was being punished in some way. Little did I know I was being given the biggest gift of my life.

It all started in 2008.

After being laid off, I did what every laid off manager did back then. I hit the pavement. I had brief contract positions, but nothing else was panning out. I went on interviews and they said they loved me. But, there was always someone a little bit better. One day, my husband, who was also unemployed, got a notice. We were being sued by a creditor. Debt renegotiation had failed and they were taking us to court. At the same time, we received a notice from our property management company in Texas that our renter was moving out of our home in Garland, a nearly 4,000 square foot monster on Lake Ray Hubbard. With the lawsuit and the soon to be vacant house, it was clear what we had to do. We had to move back to Texas and file bankruptcy. So, in June of 2010 we packed everything up and hit the road.

Once back in Texas, I grew my consulting firm as much as I could. I threw out resumes in California like wildfire, totally convinced we would be going back soon. A few months later, the call came. A studio I had interviewed with two times before wanted to talk to me. This was it. I was going to get my life back. We took off together with Porsche in the floorboard of my little BMW Z3.  The interview process dragged on and, as a result, my dog and I opted to stay with my mother-in-law.  My husband returned to Texas to prepare the house for rent. He was sure, as I was as well, that the house would rent, I would get a job back in California, and all would return to normal.

porschefloorboard

As the process dragged on, I began to interview again. Once again, I came in second at more companies than I could count. Then, it happened. My mother-in-law fell walking my dog and shattered her pelvis. Porsche and I couldn’t stay there anymore. I still hadn’t heard back from my one “ace in the hole” company. It was one where the COO, a colleague I had worked with off and on for years, put her hand on my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, you’ve got this. We’re a public company; we just have to post the position first.”

I picked up the phone and called one of my clients, the publisher of a travel magazine in the Reno/Tahoe area. I was the editor-in-chief of the magazine at the time and needed a place to go. I thought the timing was perfect for an editorial visit. A few days later, I was on the road, dog in the floorboard once again. Memorial Day came and went with little fanfare and no news. One day, on the patio of a restaurant overlooking beautiful Lake Tahoe, the news came.

“I’m sorry, Diane. We found one candidate who just fit the position a little better.”

I screamed the F word loudly, in public, when I read that. Tears streamed down my face and I ran to the bathroom out of utter embarrassment for my behavior and shame for the realization I had. My publisher and the editorial team, who I was meeting with at the time, look at me like I was crazy. I felt crazy.

I had nowhere to go.

I couldn’t return to California. My dog wasn’t allowed in my mother-in-law’s house while she was recovering from her fall. I couldn’t go back to Texas. The house was being rented and I had no job prospects there. It was then I made a decision. I would stay in the Reno/Tahoe area.

I had no idea where to go or what to do. My publisher set me up doing hotel reviews where I would stay at a partner hotel a week at a time in exchange for a review. That lasted for two hotels. I tried to find a roommate, a search that was more than a little frightening with a budget of $400 a month.  I had little income from the agency I was trying to build and my options were wearing thin. Gratefully, my publisher and his wife offered my dog and I a room in their home free of charge.

Finally, I found a position that would pay well, working as a writer with the wealth expert Loral Langemeier, who was featured in the movie version of “The Secret.”  This in itself was freaky because, right before my drastic upheaval, I had watched the movie for the first time. Afterward, I delivered a simple request to the universe.  I wanted “radical positive life change.” I thought this meant I would get a position in Los Angeles and I would have my old life back. The universe had other plans.

After Loral hired me, life got good. My income returned. The house in Texas rented. It was time to invite my husband up to Carson City. He came and all he could do is complain about our new situation. To me, it had gotten drastically better. I considered the recovery to be a gift. All he could think of is how to maintain our lifestyle. It was a wakeup call.

Here’s the part of the story I haven’t divulged yet. My husband then is not my husband now. In fact, I’m 38, single and proud. My 16-year marriage had its moments, but was far from good. We were one of those couples whose lives were fabulous on the outside. Inside, though, it was a mess. Throughout the marriage, he was emotionally and mentally abusive. Eight years into our marriage, I got pregnant. He said he was a “30 year old boy” and didn’t want a child. I did not feel equipped to raise a child alone. Reluctantly, I placed my daughter up for adoption and stayed married to him. The last three years of our marriage, he was financially abusive and controlled all the money. He controlled the finances our whole marriage. To this day, I don’t know where our once-six-figure income went. I felt like a work horse. Earlier in our marriage, he would throw food at me if the fast food restaurant got his order wrong.  I remember being in the kitchen, mid-fight, and I got hit with a head of lettuce. He slapped me for the first time in 2010, just before the universe said, “Enough is enough” and did for me what I couldn’t do for myself.

I realized, after four months of living in my publisher’s home, having nothing but the ingenuity I had to start a business from scratch, the support of people who cared about me, and my dog, that I was happier having very little than having the fabulous place to live, the enviable job, the husband, the BMW Z3, the Harley-Davidson, and all the outer trappings of a successful life.

I wasn’t successful. I was bankrupt in more ways than one. On January 2, 2012, I asked my husband to leave.  In August of 2012, I quit my full-time job and became a contractor.  October 2013, after more than a year and a half of separation, I was granted a divorce.

No matter how many ways life was going wrong, back then, I believed I knew better than anyone. Battered and bruised, I finally let go and let the universe take control. The results were amazing then and continue to be nothing short of miraculous.

By the way, Porsche, that dog who rode patiently in the floorboard of my car en route to my new life, is still alive and well at 13 years old. We live in Carson City, Nevada.  Her being by my side is a daily reminder of how far I’ve come. I realize today that the Universe isn’t a fast food window. I can’t just “order up” what I want in my life. But, if I just have faith, it will serve up some tasty experiences!

Faith and gratitude—that’s what keeps me going today.