Archives February 2016

The power of should


Have you ever heard the phrase, “stop shoulding all over yourself?” I remember the first time I heard it. I was a teenager and I wanted to fit in. This was followed by a barrage of shoulds.

  • I should try out to be a cheerleader.
  • I should enroll in athletics.
  • I should be on the yearbook staff.
  • I should have a boyfriend.

The word “should” has historically been knocked down in my life. I was told that I was beating up on myself, that I was expecting too much, and that I SHOULDN’T say SHOULD.

What I have found is that should, framed with a balanced mindset could be easily (and powerfully) replaced with the word LONGING.

  • I long to be a cheerleader – which meant  to me, to be seen, heard, and matter.
  • I long to be in athletics – which meant to me, to be healthy, fit, and accepted.
  • I long to be on the yearbook staff – which meant to me, to make a permanent difference in as many lives as I could touch.
  • I long to have a boyfriend – which meant to me, to have companionship, love, adoration.

Today, as an adult and coach, I recognize that every should I give myself has a deeper longing behind it. The POWER of that should is this.

When I put action behind it, I take steps to fulfill my longing. 

I choose to be part of charitable projects: Which means I contract with myself to: bring my full creative self to the project and any project where I can make a difference, to see this project to the end, and to honor the work I do and the work of others as we create together.

Result: I fulfill my longing to make a difference and more projects begin to manifest to expand the ripple effect of my presence in the world.

All that from a teenage longing! The word SHOULD is so powerful! And don’t forget to look within as well as outside, because both the inner and outer world have the potential to fulfill a longing. Creating inside first makes that outer expression so much more powerful and lasting!

Daily Exercise: What have you been shoulding yourself about? Do the exercise below.

  1. List your shoulds.
  2. Unroot your longing.
  3. Pinpoint one focus area which, when worked, will meet that longing.
  4. Take action and witness the results in your life.

Did you complete this exercise? Comment below on what works for you.

What a coach is… and isn’t.


Psst… I have a not so secret secret to share with you.

There is no formula for success with a coach. There is no single way to coach.

As unique as you are, there is a unique way to figure out what works for you. AND no one coach fully holds the market on what CAN work. There are an infinite number of options in the world.

So, what is a coach? Why get one?

Coaches are allies.

Coaches don’t push you or run ahead. They don’t position themselves in a place of power in your life. Instead, they respect your values, time, and budget while teaming up with you to help you fulfill your potential. What are you longing for an ally in? Where do you want to grow? A coach can work with you to set up a plan and offer accountability to it.

Coaches are never coercive.

They can ask you questions. They can challenge your assumptions and beliefs. What they should never do is tell you what to do. They can offer suggestions and ideas, but whether or not you respond to coaching is your choice.

Coaches provide perspective and facilitate what you may have heard of as the a-ha moment. They help you see but they can never make you act. Coaching is never mandatory. You do or you don’t. If you do, you learn. If you don’t, well then that too is your decision.

Coaches do not demean, criticize or assume.

If a coach ever curses at you, tells you that you are less than, paints a picture of doom if you don’t follow their advice RUN, don’t walk, away. Coaches aren’t there to blow rainbows and fairy dust at you, but they also should never use tactics that would be indicative of an abusive relationship.

Coaches take accountability.

A coach will admit when they have messed up. They will address mistakes fully and completely, not just to retain the trust of you (their client) but because if they ask YOU to have accountability they should practice what they preach.



Coaches ARE NOT therapists.

Coaches are absolutely not therapists. If you need to engage in talk therapy or you want to dig deeper into your psyche, seek out a licensed professional. A coach is simply someone who aids you in creating a plan, introduces you to tools, and allows you to use them as they help keep you on track and accountable.



I have a personal trainer, a fitness coach so to speak. She is my ally in fitness. She makes suggestions and asks me how I’m taking action but she doesn’t require me to fall in line to work with her. Instead, I naturally do what she suggests because I see results. She never criticizes me if I can’t do one more rep. She takes accountability if we have to reschedule. Mostly, we stick to fitness. Yeah, we talk about other things on a very base level, but she is there to make sure I’m using proper form, I’m doing the right number of reps, and I have an idea of what I’m supposed to do. She has certifications to assure she knows what to tell me.

So why get one?

  • You want a sounding board for your ideas.
  • You want accountability for yourself toward your goal.
  • You want suggestions on how to move toward a goal.
  • You have a desire but want help developing a map to get there.
  • You are looking for straight talk with an eye toward compassion.

If this sounds like something you want or need, What Works Coaching wants to hear from you. Our email consultations are free. We do coaching AND consulting. We currently have no licensed therapists on our team.

Email us now.