Tag dating

Why you should never stop dating… yourself.

I was married for 16 years. In that time, I did what I thought every good wife should do – give herself fully to her husband. I took the “one flesh” part of the Bible to heart and I did everything with my husband. If I was there, he was too. If he didn’t feel like going, I didn’t go. Little did I know that this behavior would result in me losing the one thing I needed the most to be a good wife – myself.

dating myself

There is a Chinese proverb that says, ““You cannot give from an empty vessel. To give to others, you must fill yourself.” This is what dating yourself is all about. When you continue to date yourself, whether you are married, in a relationship, or single, you allow yourself to stretch and grow as a person. You also allow yourself indulgences, like belting “I Will Survive” at the top of your lungs, that help you return to your other relationships (friendships, romantic relationships, even co-workers) refreshed and energized… ready to give.

Daily Exercise: How will you date yourself this week? Plan some time to go out, alone, and do something. Spend some time with just you, even if its in a group setting (like a painting class).

This weekend, I am going to Van Gogh and Vino to paint a flower for myself. The word Love is in the painting which, to me, symbolizes the love I must show myself in order to continue to give to others: as a coach, as a friend, as a daughter, and a sister. All of these relationships require me to fill my vessel first.

Other activities I have planned:

I challenge you to find some place new you have never explored before, even if its a park in your neighborhood. When you discover new things, you discover something new about yourself as well.

Sit down and spend some time with yourself. It’s a steady relationship. Nourish it!

Are you an online business creeper?

networkingmarriage

Today, as I was moderating our new Help for Business Owners and Entrepreneurs LinkedIn Group, I encountered an enthusiastic entrepreneur with an energy business. Unfortunately, I encountered him in the wrong way. Within moments of joining our group he had plastered his URL, phone number, headline in three different places on the group. Being a coach, I reached out to him versus banning him outright (which is what most groups would do). Here was my response, paraphrased. I thought it worthy enough to share with all.

“One of the top things I coach my clients on is how to participate in a group when networking. You meet people for business purposes through networking, but its kind of like dating. It’s not a good idea to push marriage on the first date. You participate in discussions. You provide input. Sending URLS, emails, and so on when you are not the sponsor of the group is not effective group participation.”

It’s true. Think about online dating for a bit. If you are serious about looking for someone, you don’t outright say – “hey, I want to get married honey.” You ask about interests. You comment on aspects of their profile. You get to know them before asking them out on a date.

Social media networking works the same way. If you join a group, ADD VALUE. Answer people’s questions. Ask a few questions of your own. Post an interesting article. To lead generate, post an article you have written that resides on your web site. Ask for opinions about a new product offering. Don’t just say, “hey baby, have I got a special offer for you.” The ONLY place that is appropriate is when you are the sponsor of a group. But do it VERY SPARINGLY. You are there to build a community, to add value. Ultimately, yes, you will come upon people who are interested in what you have to offer. But, like the new person who is participating in a LinkedIn Group, Facebook Group, posting on walls, tweeting, pinning, Instagramming, or anything else, you need to have a soft touch.

Otherwise you just come off like that sleazy guy in a bar looking for a one night stand. Who wants to be THAT guy?

Today’s Exercise: Look at all the ways you network – in person or via social media. Are you asking for marriage before you even get a date? What is your strategy for becoming part of the group and gaining interest before you pitch? What are you doing right? What are you doing wrong?

Questions about how to tackle social media networking? Claim your free Quick Question session and ask away – or just ask on our LinkedIn Group.