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Our values define us
Culture: 5 Reasons Why Values Matter

Our values define us

In doing my research on my theory of Crappertunity, the moment where crisis generates more opportunity than would have existed without the crisis, I keep stumbling on a major theme. Values are the compass individual and companies use to guide their journeys. Unfortunately, too many lie about their why. They justify what they are doing to society, to their colleagues, to the board, all while ignoring the internal compass that says no no no.

I wrote about values and beliefs in my Carson Now column today, a column I write for a local news site in Carson City, Nevada. In the column, I talk about my mom, how she had to reinvent herself at age 46 after her divorce. She was married 25 years, a housewife, and had to do it all again from scratch. Growing up with this influence, this resilience, I was inspired.

What I Believe

I believe we all have the power to impact, change, and improve what happens in our lives. I believe we are not victims of our circumstances. Rather, those circumstances can benefit us and the world, if we allow it. We can be called to reinvent ourselves at any time. I value connection, with myself and others, and to maintain that bond no matter how rough the seas get. I value integrity, and not letting my solution be someone else’s pain. I value intense passion for life and career. The two to me are not separable. I believe in the power plant of personal growth and how it can change lives and the world.

Some of these values I formed growing up. Others I formed as a result of my own struggles and life experience. But here are seven reasons why values matter.

Values are more than just about Sunday school.

Sure, that’s where some of us learned them. However, what we value is really our truth. We have to know our truth to turn on that internal GPS, make decisions, have confidence, and take action. Without clarity on our values, we turn into people pleasers. When we people please, we cheat people out of knowing who we really are. We cross and break boundaries we didn’t even know we had. Values are life.

Values help you choose a partner.

Life partners can have different hobbies, different ideas about the world, and differing preferences. But where a relationship can fall into trouble is when the values are off kilter. Questioning employees, colleagues, friends, romantic interests, and partners about their values is an exercise in understanding and alignment.

Values dictate happiness in a career.

Have you ever said, my heart’s just not in it? I have. And when I have, for example, when I was working in corporations in marketing and I did not believe in what I was promoting, I was unhappy. My value of integrity butted up against what my job required me to do. Look at your company’s annual report. If they don’t have one, ask them questions about their company values. You will find out quick if you are a fit or not.

Values help you have more fun.

When you are in alignment with your values, life is just more fun in general. If you value peace, you may notice you enjoy peaceful activities. If you value learning, you may find yourself learning for fun. But the point is this. If you know your values, you can be real with yourself about what you enjoy and what you don’t.

Values focus you.

When you know your values, you can laser focus and measure your activities against them. When I coach a company while they are doing their strategic plans, I talk to them about the company culture they want to cultivate. I help them discover this because these values dictate hiring practices, company strategies, and how the company behaves in a crisis.

I do more research on values in my theory of Crappertunity. To learn how you can get updates, participate in the research, or be interviewed, click here to receive information.

The power of should

should

Have you ever heard the phrase, “stop shoulding all over yourself?” I remember the first time I heard it. I was a teenager and I wanted to fit in. This was followed by a barrage of shoulds.

  • I should try out to be a cheerleader.
  • I should enroll in athletics.
  • I should be on the yearbook staff.
  • I should have a boyfriend.

The word “should” has historically been knocked down in my life. I was told that I was beating up on myself, that I was expecting too much, and that I SHOULDN’T say SHOULD.

What I have found is that should, framed with a balanced mindset could be easily (and powerfully) replaced with the word LONGING.

  • I long to be a cheerleader – which meant  to me, to be seen, heard, and matter.
  • I long to be in athletics – which meant to me, to be healthy, fit, and accepted.
  • I long to be on the yearbook staff – which meant to me, to make a permanent difference in as many lives as I could touch.
  • I long to have a boyfriend – which meant to me, to have companionship, love, adoration.

Today, as an adult and coach, I recognize that every should I give myself has a deeper longing behind it. The POWER of that should is this.

When I put action behind it, I take steps to fulfill my longing. 

I choose to be part of charitable projects: Which means I contract with myself to: bring my full creative self to the project and any project where I can make a difference, to see this project to the end, and to honor the work I do and the work of others as we create together.

Result: I fulfill my longing to make a difference and more projects begin to manifest to expand the ripple effect of my presence in the world.

All that from a teenage longing! The word SHOULD is so powerful! And don’t forget to look within as well as outside, because both the inner and outer world have the potential to fulfill a longing. Creating inside first makes that outer expression so much more powerful and lasting!

Daily Exercise: What have you been shoulding yourself about? Do the exercise below.

  1. List your shoulds.
  2. Unroot your longing.
  3. Pinpoint one focus area which, when worked, will meet that longing.
  4. Take action and witness the results in your life.

Did you complete this exercise? Comment below on what works for you.

What feels like a frustrating block, can actually be God's way of protecting you from taking a difficult path.
Door locked? Find another one.

I spend every morning on Facebook, catching up with friends, reading articles, and laughing at cat videos (OK, not really, but did you see this cute one about cats saving tigers)? It’s in this sea of randomness that I find entertainment, information, and (more than occasionally) inspiration.

What feels like a frustrating block, can actually be God's way of protecting you from taking a difficult path.

The badge I found on Doreen Virtue’s page spoke to me loud and clear. There have been many times where I have come up against locked doors, brick walls, and obstacles of all types. Living in self-will, I proceeded to call the locksmith, buy the jack hammer, or suit up to climb. What I didn’t realize is that sometimes blocks and obstacles are there for a reason. We are being redirected to bigger and better things in life. Lost jobs resulted in happier situations. Unexpected moves resulted in life-changing experiences. Before I learned to “embrace the suck” as a dear friend of mine says, I would rail against it, fight, cry, self-medicate, and do whatever I could to rattle the locked door.

Now, when I face a locked door, I look to my left and right to see if I see other options. If I feel too far off the beam, I will course correct and choose a new direction.

Daily Exercise: What are you facing today that might be an indication that you need to change your path? Make a list and mind map out a solution. Bubbl is a free mind mapping program you can use.

I’d love to see your results! Comment below!

Do you see the person or the persona?

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Robin Williams’ suicide really touched me in a place deep down in my soul. I realize the depth to which I can, occasionally, put on a mask. I use my experience to help others through their business challenges. But, often, I’ll mask it up when it comes to my personal life. I posted last week about being single and I got a Facebook message from a colleague which read “You know. I can’t help myself from micromanaging… so may I suggest you keep your personal stuff off of your WWC FB page? The “Single. And learning…”  feels too personal to show your professionalism.” In other words, dear coach, wear your mask.

Robin Williams wore his mask well. It wasn’t until his re-entry into rehab to “maintain his sobriety” came to the forefront that anyone had an inkling there was something going on behind the scenes. Still, the statement of maintaining sobriety thinly veiled that Robin was seeking help outside himself in a safe place. The media made that unsafe.

Actors rely on their persona. Often, in the process, the inner person gets ignored. Dustin Diamond recently came to Reno to perform. His “person” has been eviscerated in the media for the actions of his “persona.” Finding out a bit about the real person, thanks to a friend of mine, I find out that he’s happily married and good natured about people seeing him through their own lenses.

But where is the line? I find that actors aren’t the only people being judged by the characters they portray. We, as wives, mothers, husbands, fathers, friends, leaders, and professionals, may do the same. We may not have characters, but we have assigned roles and expectations we strive to live up to. Think about how you approach the people in your life. Even in your private life, do you assign a persona to your doctor, your teacher, your lawyer, your spouse? Do you ever spend time with a person and get real for a moment? If you do, you may be surprised by what you find out.

Today’s Exercise: See the person inside the personas you meet. Find out one new, non-professional, thing about the people in your immediate circle. What did you discover? Were you able to help someone you didn’t know needed it?

 

Your life is a blank canvas. Paint it!

abstract skyline

This week, I finished painting a little project I started about a year ago. I drew the outline and then I just put it back in the case. I went about my life. What I realized, when I picked that canvas up again, is that I really feel peaceful when I paint. It’s not about doing it right. It’s about putting brush to canvas and seeing what materializes. Often, it’s not what I expected. As I paint, I get inspired to do different things, use different colors, and express myself in new ways. I have come to realize this is a great approach to apply to life as well.

Blank canvases are filled with possibility. When you can quiet your mind and listen to what inspires you, it’s amazing where life leads. You can dip your brush in a color, fill a pre-conceived drawing, but you never really know exactly how it’s going to come together until it has. Life often imitates art in this way. I love it when someone asks an artist, “what was your inspiration?” Some artists have a very clear direction. In art classes, the students learn according to a very specific plan. There may be room for color interpretation. However, if the class is centered around painting a horse, everyone is going to walk out the door with a horse.

Art also imitates life.

You can walk through life with yourself, your higher power (whatever that may be), trust and faith. Or, you can find a living mentor and follow a base set of instructions. You can use a mixture of the two. However, one thing is constant. You start with a blank canvas.

To achieve a blank canvas, clear your mind of pre-conceived notions of how things should be or will be. Choose a path and walk down it. Artistic blocks happen when your will and the will of the universe clash. Give in to full inspiration and you will be inspired.

Today’s Exercise: What inspires you today? What can you clear away to create a blank canvas to express that inspiration?

This week, I reinforced my rediscovered love of peace and painting by purchasing a meditation pillow and some new art supplies. I can’t wait to see what I create with them! What will you create? What hobbies will you indulge in? What projects will you complete? How will you paint on the blank canvas that is your life? Share by commenting below.