Tag relationships

What is realness?


Whelp… I’m single.

38. And single.

It’s about this time where friends start gathering, breaking out the romantic comedies laced in personal liberation, people start saying “oooh, I have the perfect guy for you.” But I’m realizing something. I don’t want the perfect guy. Not yet. I am not ready for him. First, I need to find my perfect self.

Now, I understand perfection is entirely unattainable and I can disappoint myself in little ways on a regular basis. But I realize in my singledom that, if I can’t love being with myself, how the heck is someone else going to love being with me? I mean the real me… the messy me… not the “headshot” me, or the coach me, or the me that shows up to parties and smiles at everyone.

Realness with who you are and what you have to offer is the first step in both life and business. If you can’t be real, than you cheat yourself out of the real experiences that come with candid interactions and real relationships – whether that be clients or potential mates.

This is my challenge today and everyday. It’s an even bigger challenge in the coaching field because my clients look to me for answers. But, you know what, the only way we get answers is through learning. We learn through others, we learn through ourselves, and we learn through those brown paper bag wrapped lessons life gives us.

So, today, I’m going to be real. Really real. If I cry during a session, know that something you have said has touched my heart. No more walls. What you see is what you get.

Today’s Exercise: How can you bring your walls down, just a little, and operate in your relationships as your singular, unique, self? How can you be unabashedly unafraid to really be you?

The floor is yours.

Why you should never stop dating… yourself.

I was married for 16 years. In that time, I did what I thought every good wife should do – give herself fully to her husband. I took the “one flesh” part of the Bible to heart and I did everything with my husband. If I was there, he was too. If he didn’t feel like going, I didn’t go. Little did I know that this behavior would result in me losing the one thing I needed the most to be a good wife – myself.

dating myself

There is a Chinese proverb that says, ““You cannot give from an empty vessel. To give to others, you must fill yourself.” This is what dating yourself is all about. When you continue to date yourself, whether you are married, in a relationship, or single, you allow yourself to stretch and grow as a person. You also allow yourself indulgences, like belting “I Will Survive” at the top of your lungs, that help you return to your other relationships (friendships, romantic relationships, even co-workers) refreshed and energized… ready to give.

Daily Exercise: How will you date yourself this week? Plan some time to go out, alone, and do something. Spend some time with just you, even if its in a group setting (like a painting class).

This weekend, I am going to Van Gogh and Vino to paint a flower for myself. The word Love is in the painting which, to me, symbolizes the love I must show myself in order to continue to give to others: as a coach, as a friend, as a daughter, and a sister. All of these relationships require me to fill my vessel first.

Other activities I have planned:

I challenge you to find some place new you have never explored before, even if its a park in your neighborhood. When you discover new things, you discover something new about yourself as well.

Sit down and spend some time with yourself. It’s a steady relationship. Nourish it!

Weed your own yard
The art of tending to your own yard.


Carson City is a small town. It’s not tiny by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, there is plenty to do (as a visit to the I Love Carson City Facebook page will quickly show you). Although it is a capital city, 55,274 is just small enough to run into at least one person you know when you go to the grocery store (or an ex boyfriend when you are having a girls’ night). It’s also just small enough to magnify an issue most people struggle with anyway, digging around in other people’s yards.

Tending to your own yard (your own business, relationships, personal issues) is an art. It takes a lot of practice and willingness to not to look over the fence and compare, contrast, judge, or copy what your neighbor is doing. Many businesses tend to do exactly that. They cookie-cutter their competition by mimicking promotions, product offerings, and business tactics. What you must realize is this – it’s what makes you unique that will bring customers to your door, not your ability to pay attention to your competition and do what they are doing.

To tend to your own yard, you need the following tools:

A mower: Take some quiet time to yourself to gain some perspective on yourself. Don’t take anyone else into consideration. Just focus on YOU. Cut the overgrowth caused by expectations, negative self-talk, naysayers, and other things that have gotten unmanageable over a period of time.

A pruner: Get out a pen and paper and start snipping. Write down what makes you happy, what makes you unhappy, what you are looking for in life, and what people, places, or ideas in your backyard that need to be snipped so the weeds don’t choke out the beautiful flowers of your life.

Some weed killer: Once you’ve identified those people, places, and ideas, spread some weed killer on it. Give yourself permission to, as Queen Elsa says, “let it go.”

Some fertilizer: Fertilize the good with positive, intentional, actions. Don’t attack it all at once. Fertilize what you can handle, as it will surely grow.

When you do this to your own yard, versus focusing on others (what they are doing/have done to you, their lives, their businesses, their state of mind) you will find new landscape for growth, prosperity, and profitability.

Today’s Exercise: Try it! Take a notebook and dedicate one page to your mower, one page to your pruner, one page to your weed killer, and as many as you dare for your fertilizer. What did you come up with? How will you use what you have learned to tend to your yard versus someone else’s?

If I can be of any assistance with this exercise. Just contact me.

The beginning is always the hardest.

The Beginning is the Hardest

Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest!

Have you ever started something only to quit a week, or a few weeks, later? Rushed to see results, you throw up your hands, declare whatever you are trying as “not working” and set off to find another way. Don’t give up when you are so close to the miracle! With exercise, you gain muscle. So the scale may not move for a few weeks, no matter how good your diet is or how hard you are working. When you start a new class, it might be hard at first. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Relationships begin with a honeymoon period, but the hard part is the beginning of the non-honeymoon period. Stick with it. The rewards are great. It’s true, the beginning is always the hardest. Doing the work you need to do, when everything in you is telling you that you aren’t inspired, are bored, don’t have the talent, or don’t have the time, is essential. Whatever you do, do not give up!

Here are 50 Inspirational Quotes to help you stick with it.

Are you sabotaging your relationships?

Yesterday, I watched a very compelling video about cell phone use and how it can make a partner feel alienated, alone, and unimportant. If you missed it, watch it right here.


There are dozens, if not hundreds, of little things we do to test our relationships. Those relationships can be business, romantic, sexual, or just plain friendly. These tests are designed to set up boundaries, test boundaries, and protect ourselves. Sometimes, though, the tests go too far. This results in missed opportunities as you push away potentially great relationships, business partners, friends, and lovers. If you have people cycling in and out of your life at a frequent pace, you might be doing this to yourself. It can result in job loss, heart break, and unfulfilled goals and dreams. If you haven’t caught the jist yet, it’s not a good thing.


Ask yourself:

1) Do I distrust immediately or do I wait for trust to be broken?

2) Do I ask myself, where is this going to fail?

3) Do you start trying to fix problems before problems occur?

4) Do you test business partners by coming up too close to or missing deadlines, unintentionally not delivering or breaking promises, rescheduling meetings on a short time frame?

5) Do you have a set of standards in mind that, if not strictly upheld, that person is out of your circle?

6) Are you as hard on others as you are on yourself?

7) Do you challenge others often and end up in heated discussions?

8) Does life/work feel like a game of “Survivor” where either you compete or you are voted off the island?

9) Do you isolate yourself from individuals or groups by directing your attention to your cell phone, the television, or something that takes you away from the present moment?

10) Do you voice your concerns or do you “stuff” them and build resentment?

Answer these questions openly and honestly with yourself. You don’t have to tell anyone your answers. However, if you answered YES to three or more of these questions, you may be sabotaging your relationships.  Reframing your mindset is key to keeping an open mind. If you need assistance in doing this, feel free to contact us.