Tag self love

What is realness?

bridget_jones

Whelp… I’m single.

38. And single.

It’s about this time where friends start gathering, breaking out the romantic comedies laced in personal liberation, people start saying “oooh, I have the perfect guy for you.” But I’m realizing something. I don’t want the perfect guy. Not yet. I am not ready for him. First, I need to find my perfect self.

Now, I understand perfection is entirely unattainable and I can disappoint myself in little ways on a regular basis. But I realize in my singledom that, if I can’t love being with myself, how the heck is someone else going to love being with me? I mean the real me… the messy me… not the “headshot” me, or the coach me, or the me that shows up to parties and smiles at everyone.

Realness with who you are and what you have to offer is the first step in both life and business. If you can’t be real, than you cheat yourself out of the real experiences that come with candid interactions and real relationships – whether that be clients or potential mates.

This is my challenge today and everyday. It’s an even bigger challenge in the coaching field because my clients look to me for answers. But, you know what, the only way we get answers is through learning. We learn through others, we learn through ourselves, and we learn through those brown paper bag wrapped lessons life gives us.

So, today, I’m going to be real. Really real. If I cry during a session, know that something you have said has touched my heart. No more walls. What you see is what you get.

Today’s Exercise: How can you bring your walls down, just a little, and operate in your relationships as your singular, unique, self? How can you be unabashedly unafraid to really be you?

The floor is yours.

Why you should never stop dating… yourself.

I was married for 16 years. In that time, I did what I thought every good wife should do – give herself fully to her husband. I took the “one flesh” part of the Bible to heart and I did everything with my husband. If I was there, he was too. If he didn’t feel like going, I didn’t go. Little did I know that this behavior would result in me losing the one thing I needed the most to be a good wife – myself.

dating myself

There is a Chinese proverb that says, ““You cannot give from an empty vessel. To give to others, you must fill yourself.” This is what dating yourself is all about. When you continue to date yourself, whether you are married, in a relationship, or single, you allow yourself to stretch and grow as a person. You also allow yourself indulgences, like belting “I Will Survive” at the top of your lungs, that help you return to your other relationships (friendships, romantic relationships, even co-workers) refreshed and energized… ready to give.

Daily Exercise: How will you date yourself this week? Plan some time to go out, alone, and do something. Spend some time with just you, even if its in a group setting (like a painting class).

This weekend, I am going to Van Gogh and Vino to paint a flower for myself. The word Love is in the painting which, to me, symbolizes the love I must show myself in order to continue to give to others: as a coach, as a friend, as a daughter, and a sister. All of these relationships require me to fill my vessel first.

Other activities I have planned:

I challenge you to find some place new you have never explored before, even if its a park in your neighborhood. When you discover new things, you discover something new about yourself as well.

Sit down and spend some time with yourself. It’s a steady relationship. Nourish it!